Losing a part of me...

What a terrible reason to start back blogging, but what is a blog if not a place to vent? A place to talk, even when it's simply to yourself.

Facebook is filled with Judging Judys and I would write in a diary, but I'm almost positive I would lose it.

Today I'm happy I don't rock the blog world and have a gazillion readers because today's post isn't for you. It's for me...to hopefully easy the pain.

I lost a part of who I am this past weekend and I'm still wandering around wondering how to breathe again. My parents were the new couple on the street and I was the new baby with no grandparents. That didn't last long. She made sure that from day one I knew that she loved me. They both did.

All of the major moments in my life have her in them. Twenty-five years worth all the things grandmas are best at. The most recent was the day that they stood up, with the rest of my blood family, as my grandparents, on my wedding day. No questions asked. She wouldn't have had it any other way.

You would think that as many times as someone close to me has died that this would get easier. That the pain wouldn't be so debilitating anymore. Wrong. Something's different this time; something's worse.

Hear me out. When you are related to someone by blood, it's like you are obligated to love them. They are your family, no matter what. But what about when you aren't related? She didn't have to love me. She didn't have to treat me like one of her own for 25 years. But she did and that's what makes this so hard. I grew up with her by my side. Through all of this, the best thing that someone has told me was "She was an amazing lady and she helped make you that way too - don't forget that."

God, I miss her.

I don't make new year's resolutions. They are just meant to be broken, so what's the point? But this year is different. This year, the lady next door that I loved more than I ever could have imagined was taken from me in the blink of an eye. Why didn't I even know she was sick? Life got in the way.

I only need one...Cherish the people you love. Make time for phone calls, coffee dates, card games, unannounced visits and birthday cards because one day, they won't be around to enjoy those things with.


C.T. and Associates Consulting said...

You truly amaze me, I am 61 years old and I don't have your insight. Sandy is very proud of you and although she is gone, she will always watch over you. Look for the signs. That type of love can not be broken, not even by death. Joshua, John, and Sandy, they will always be there for you.
I love,

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